This week, two of my friends (who don’t know each other) both said something amazing to me on separate occasions.
One of my guy friends said, “You are a baddass mama healer goddess.”
And one of my girl friends said, “You are a baddass mama healer warrior.”
I was pretty amazed that both of them randomly said these things to me.
When the Universe sends you repetitive messages, it means it’s time to listen.
As a healer and a mother, I love the healing, mama, and goddess side of me. It feels good. It’s feels beautiful. It’s easy for me to honor it, nurture it, and live it.
But the baddass warrior side is something I’ve only touched on a few times. And when I think about that side of me, I have to remember to keep breathing.
I’ve had to be brave and strong in my life at certain points. And at some of those points, the Universe made sure that I had to be the one to stand up for myself. Conveniently or inconveniently (depending on how you look at it), healers, friends, and family members were sometimes unavailable or on vacation when I had to go through some really tough times in life. The Universe was clearly telling me, “It’s time you know how strong you really are.”
I’ve faced trauma head on. I’ve learned to stand up and say, “No” when I need to. And I walk away when I need to. I’ve learned the power of my own strength, and much of this is in thanks to having my three year old son.
Something changed in me when he was born. Going through a natural birth, and ending up having an emergency c-section in front of 25 people did something to me. Holding my baby in my arms for the first time showed me how strong I truly was. And after that, things really began to change. A few months later, I took my baby in my arms again and left what most people would call “The American Dream” because it was becoming a nightmare. I left a toxic relationship because I wasn’t sure that I would be able to leave if I stayed another day. An attorney at the time said to me, “Please leave now. I don’t want to be one of those attorneys that gets interviewed on TV because their client has disappeared. You have to go NOW.”
I left with my son and I didn’t take anything with me. I grabbed his diaper bag and him, and that was it. I left my laptop, my jewelry, my clothes, everything. After I left, I had to go out and buy underwear, a hairbrush, and other essentials because when I walked away, I literally walked away.
And for a few months I learned how to live without stuff. It felt disconcerting to take off all of the masks, to be stripped of possessions, and to see and feel for the first time who I really was. That person turned out to be strong and brave. That person turned out to have a voice. That person turned out to be my hero. And that person turned out to be me.
That person turned out to be a baddass healer mama warrior goddess. I’m still getting to know her, but the more I get to know her, the more I love her.
The arrowhead necklace I’m wearing in this picture was given to me by one of the fiercest warriors I’ve met, a dear friend who’s faced too many battles in life. When he gave me this necklace, he said, “You are the strongest person I’ve ever met.”
It was an honor to receive the necklace, but I had to learn to receive his words.
I’m learning to love myself unconditionally. I’m learning to embrace and embody all of the strength, love, and courage that I AM.
It’s your turn now. You got this.
Unconditional Love and Light,
Lauren
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